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Young teen planning on trying marjuana


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#1 roebuck

Posted 09 August 2019 - 09:31 AM

Some advice please.
Last night I decided to check my 14 year olds phone. Something I do quite regularly and he knows I do it.
I discovered he is planning to smoke pot for the first time with a couple of friends. One boy is clearly a seasoned smoker. He is the one buying it and has even included a screen shot of his conversation with the dealer (talk about clueless).

I’m not sure when it’s meant to be happening, obviously soon. I plan to sit down with my son and have a discussion about drugs. I’ve had many. They have all been calm, open discussions about drugs and the risks. And they haven’t made any difference obviously. I expected him to want to experiment - but not this young!

So what else do I do? Do I contact the school? I have the name and screen shots of the kid doing the buying. He has just started at the school and has a dealer at 14! Not someone I want my son hanging with (this is a very new friendship)


#2 roebuck

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:03 AM

Wow, 96 views and no one has any ideas. At least I feel this is as tricky to others as it feels to me.

#3 cvbn

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:07 AM

No advice, I am sorry, very tricky situation.

#4 doubledelight

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:09 AM

Being that this is a new friendship is it natural curiosity or peer pressure?  What was he like prior to this friendship?  How much contact do they have outside of school?

I don't necessarily consider 14 overly young for experimentation but I do think that the conversation on pot use and the developing brain needs to be had.

It would also be worth having a conversation with the school about this child.

#5 ECsMum

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:12 AM

I will respond :)

I would call the school and not name names, see if they could have a police officer come to school to talk about drugs. My DD is only 8 but I might even be tempted to name names.

#6 seayork2002

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:12 AM

I have no idea I have not faced it but DS11 has done a course at school on drugs, I have asked him 'if I go out and picked random green plants and ask you to smoke it', would you'

same as random chemicals under the sink

why take something just because some one wants you too? and we can be curious of lots of things - running in traffic, playing Russian roulette with a gun, jumping off a cliff to see if we can fly but is logical?

Once we actually face this it I be different but I am presuming this does not actually answer your question ?

#7 Sweet.Pea

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:13 AM

Perhaps talk to your son first.

If talking to the school about this kids is going to cause problems for your son, I wouldn't.

#8 xxyzed

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:17 AM

You could always call a drug hotline and ask them for advice. I think what you would do would depend on what makes your son tick and how you have successfully managed to influence him in the past.

My son is a rule follower so firstly I would let him know I was onto what he was up to. Then I would tell him how stupid drugs are and tell him I was going to the school and the police with what I knew and they would all be busted. Then I would ban him from ever leaving the house again and generally make his life incredibly difficult for as long as I remembered. In other families this sort of discipline would make their kid say see ya, walk out the door and immediately smoke pot to say up yours. You need to think about what works best for your child.

#9 Holidayromp

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:24 AM

Arm your son with the tools to make the right choices and that’s it.

If you push your son about it, it will back fire and he will just go and do it as a big ‘**** you’ and could well end up with him experimenting with other drugs.

Take it from the point of I understand that teens like to experiment with drugs but here is some info on it.  Look at it in your own time and if you would like to ask any questions I am happy to answer the best way I can.

The more you say no no no the more likely he would try it.

At the end of the day if he is determined enough he will.

Also don’t mention anything about you going through his phone as this will lead to sneakiness.

#10 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:26 AM

Maybe approach it from the angle of having friends who will look after you that you can trust if anything goes wrong. Can you trust somebody you just met to look after you if you are having a paranoia attack?

I tried things at that age (wasn't illegal back then in SA) and haven't gone onto anything harder, most kids don't so although I wouldn't be keen on my kids doing it I don't think you should massively panic either.  Cannabis is supposed to be worse for brains that aren't fully developed yet so maybe also talk to him about that. Avoid scare tactics - as HolidayRomp said above this might backfire if he tries it and nothing bad happens, just stick to the facts

If he goes out with friends how does he get around, can he call you to get home safely?

Edited by WannabeMasterchef, 09 August 2019 - 10:29 AM.


#11 ~J_WTF~

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:32 AM

I don’t think 14 is young for experimentation personally.

You have done what you can OP. You have keep the dialogue open and honest.

Make sure he knows he can always count on you to pick him up if he ever needs it with no judgement.

If he wants to do it he will find a way.

Plus banning him from hanging out with that kid will just push him closer.

I actually don’t know if I would report it to the school.

#12 Kallie88

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:40 AM

It is really tricky. And so much depends on your child's personality. I was never effected that much by peer pressure so when i decided that I want going to smoke, or drink, or try drugs that was it, I had friends offering me a cigarette to try from year 7 and i never did. My brother, on the other hand, I believe tried a lot because he was more concerned about fitting in. But, I think he was reasonably careful because he's also a bit of a "my body, my temple" person and is pretty responsible now.
Our mum spoke to both of us about weed in particular because our dad had schizophrenia, so in a lot of ways we both understood that even if nothing happened, it wasn't worth the risk and that's something I'll talk to my kids about too.

#13 chillipeppers

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:42 AM

I would confront him about the text messages and then ban him from being around this so called friend. But that’s just my parenting style. I wouldn’t get the school involved.

ETA: we have a history of bipolar in the family so that’s why I’m dead set against experimenting with marijuana.

Edited by chillipeppers, 09 August 2019 - 10:43 AM.


#14 molinero

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:42 AM

Different people will approach this situation with different mentalities and preconceptions, which is understandable.

I was raised in a very non-prohibition household, where the adults occasionally smoked and use was normalised to the point that, as older teens, it was explained to us how we could get safe 'stuff' if we wanted to experiment.

Now some people might think that approach is crazy or condemn it as downright illegal. That's fine by me, each to their own.

Of the three of us siblings, one is now a long-term occasional user with a small police record to boot, one of us tried it a couple of times and hated it, and one has never ever used. So parental intervention, be it either prohibitive or not, doesn't always dictate what end-use may or may not look like.

For me, I always found the South Park episode to be a good summary of the matter. If you get too into pot as a teenager, the most likely danger is that you might grow up to not be very good at anything.

At the end of the day, kids just want to be told the truth. I think talk to your son OP. Like others have suggested, make sure your son always feels like he can call you or another trusted person if he gets into trouble and needs help.

#15 seayork2002

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:48 AM

Both my parents and my husband have tried it once or twice (when teenagers), non of them could work out the fuss.

My parents would not have been shocked if I tried it (would have said not best decision in the world) but have never done, never saw the point really.

#16 Dadto2

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:51 AM

View PostKallie88, on 09 August 2019 - 10:40 AM, said:

It is really tricky. And so much depends on your child's personality.

I agree, it is tricky and is dependant on many factors. I smoked it a bit at schools, but was doing reasonably well academically and playing sports etc Most of the kids I went to school with either smoked it or had at least tried it by the time we got to year 12.

I would be loathe to involve the police or the school and I would be loathe to come down hard on him,  with an "all drugs are evil" attitude.... I think that would be counter-productive.

Ultimately if a 14 year old wants to try drugs, a parent is limited in what they can do. Really advise is all they can offer. Most kids (not all) that are physically and mentally healthy, happy and positive, coming from good, stable families and that dabble in drugs do not go on to become drug addicts. There are exceptions. When I dabbled, it was just that. Dabbling. If you love life, drugs interfere with that. So if your child is happy, healthy and doing well. I'd obviously be concerned, but also I would have a bit of a hands off approach.

Edited by Dadto2, 09 August 2019 - 10:57 AM.


#17 Holidayromp

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:53 AM

View Postchillipeppers, on 09 August 2019 - 10:42 AM, said:

I would confront him about the text messages and then ban him from being around this so called friend. But that’s just my parenting style. I wouldn’t get the school involved.

ETA: we have a history of bipolar in the family so that’s why I’m dead set against experimenting with marijuana.

Then the teen will end up seeing the other teen in secret and who knows what they will get up to.

Outright banning does not work with teens it backfires.  The best way is to guide without saying no you cannot do it.

#18 Dadto2

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:56 AM

View Postmolinero, on 09 August 2019 - 10:42 AM, said:

At the end of the day, kids just want to be told the truth.

Yup. The truth, facts, stats. E.g 6000 Australian deaths last year were attributable to alcohol. Alcohol is dangerous and addictive and the majority of violence on our streets is due to alcohol. Compare that to Ecstasy, 10, 15 deaths last year, not additive, not dangerous and not associated with violence in any way.... parents are OK with their kids getting drunk in the park, but would lose their sh*t if their kid took an Ecstasy tablet.

A lot of my mates that I "dabbled" with did develop drug habits and later on mental health issues. Not a mate, but I guy I went to school with, Ben Hoffmann, was the shooter up in Darwin a month ago, who killed 4 people. He smoked a lot of weed at school, went onto harder stuff and was on ice when he killed those people.

https://www.smh.com....605-p51ukq.html

Edited by JustBeige, 10 August 2019 - 06:31 AM.
Removed offensive reference


#19 seayork2002

Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:57 AM

View PostHolidayromp, on 09 August 2019 - 10:53 AM, said:

Then the teen will end up seeing the other teen in secret and who knows what they will get up to.

Outright banning does not work with teens it backfires.  The best way is to guide without saying no you cannot do it.


I think this is what worked for me as a teenager, my parents would always advise and would drop everything to help me and treated me like an adult which in turn meant I had no desire to do anything majorly against them.

I can't remember being a saint! but I never felt the need to go against them either really

#20 chillipeppers

Posted 09 August 2019 - 11:01 AM

View PostHolidayromp, on 09 August 2019 - 10:53 AM, said:



Then the teen will end up seeing the other teen in secret and who knows what they will get up to.

Outright banning does not work with teens it backfires.  The best way is to guide without saying no you cannot do it.
i think it depends on the child. My parents banned me from seeing certain kids when I was at school and I obeyed. It really does depend on the child’s personality

#21 Dadto2

Posted 09 August 2019 - 11:04 AM

I smoked a few times with my parents when i was 17, 18. It kinda took the fun out of it. It was virtually legal, my parents smoked it occasionally and were OKish if I smoked it occasionally. Which ironically meant I didn't want to smoke it. Perhaps if they had come down hard on me and police were actively busting people smoking weed it would have seemed more naughty and therefore enticing?

#22 Dadto2

Posted 09 August 2019 - 11:07 AM

The danger is, if a parent comes down hard on their child and lies to them and distorts the truth re dangers of drugs, the child may lose some respect or at the very least not trust their judgement and advice.Give them the facts. Don't tell them Ecstacy fun and they should take it, but don't tell them it's inherently dangerous and addictive.

#23 RubyEmerald

Posted 09 August 2019 - 11:08 AM

View PostHolidayromp, on 09 August 2019 - 10:24 AM, said:

Arm your son with the tools to make the right choices and that’s it.

If you push your son about it, it will back fire and he will just go and do it as a big ‘**** you’ and could well end up with him experimenting with other drugs.

Take it from the point of I understand that teens like to experiment with drugs but here is some info on it.  Look at it in your own time and if you would like to ask any questions I am happy to answer the best way I can.

The more you say no no no the more likely he would try it.

At the end of the day if he is determined enough he will.

Also don’t mention anything about you going through his phone as this will lead to sneakiness.

Agree with this :)

#24 molinero

Posted 09 August 2019 - 11:13 AM

View PostDadto2, on 09 August 2019 - 11:04 AM, said:

I smoked a few times with my parents when i was 17, 18. It kinda took the fun out of it. It was virtually legal, my parents smoked it occasionally and were OKish if I smoked it occasionally. Which ironically meant I didn't want to smoke it. Perhaps if they had come down hard on me and police were actively busting people smoking weed it would have seemed more naughty and therefore enticing?

OMG yes seeing how annoying my parents were stoned was a super turn off for the drugs scene!

#25 TheGreenSheep

Posted 09 August 2019 - 11:15 AM

OP, I agree with PPs. Every child is different and will require different approaches and the results from one child to another will be totally different.

I wouldn't speak to the school, yet. Id have a very open and honest chat with your child about drugs of dependence and safety.  I know that my Ds13 would follow the 'rules' and wouldn't be drawn into drugs at the moment, however I reckon his little brother may at that age be keen to be a bit wild in front of friends.

Its tough, very tough. I am not looking forward to these types of conundrums with teens. Let us know how you go..




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